Episode
1: “What if Swole Woman? What then?”
The
Marvel movies have always been children’s entertainment dressed up in their
parents' clothes, and that goes double for the new “What If...?” animated series.
Each episode is supposed to present a new and interesting twist on one of the
established Marvel characters or movies. It’s an inherently incestuous premise
for a series, doubling down on the MCU’s tendency for every bit of
entertainment to point towards a different bit of entertainment rather than
being content with being entertaining in and of itself.
Look,
intellectually the whole MCU was about as serious as clown shoes to begin with, so there
isn’t much point in belaboring the silliness of it, but then there isn’t much
point to anything in this blog anyway, so why not?
I’ll
say this for it: I liked the art direction and animation style. In an age where 90%
of western animation seems to be deliberately crafted to be as visually
grotesque as possible, it’s kind of refreshing to see something along the lines
of a “Breath of the Wild” take on animation, clean and simple, almost elegant.
Perhaps it isn’t overly innovative or arty, but it looks good dammit. It’s nice
to watch. Nice.
Otherwise,
I feel we’re not really exploring the potential of the concept. Our first
episode in the series dares to ask some truly thought-provoking questions, such
as:
Q:
What if Captain America wasn’t American? And a British Woman? And Steve Rogers became
Iron Man because this premise is pretty thin okay we needed to pad it out a little?
A:
Red Skull would be really into tentacle porn.
I
won’t explain further.
Q:
Is there any difference between a man given superpowers and a woman given
superpowers?
A:
No.
Ep 1
is about “What if Steve Rogers’ love interest Peggy Carter became the superhero
instead of Steve?” Well, she puts on a uniform just like Cap’s, uses a shield
just like Cap’s, punches Nazis just like Cap, rescues ‘Bucky’ Barnes just like
Cap, fights Red Skull just like Cap, and gets trapped in time until the modern
era just like Cap.
Basically,
the only difference is antagonists say something about her just being a girl
before they get their clock cleaned. Which is perhaps cathartic for anybody who
didn’t watch “Captain Marvel” or the Enola Holmes movie or the original “Alien”
or “Terminator” movies or any one of the other movies released in the last 30 years
with women protagonists. It's about as daring and original as mayonnaise.
Q:
But doesn’t this show the possibilities of the multiverse now that “Loki” has
opened it up?
A:
Shut up. Just shut up. God damn it I despise people like this. Shut the fuck
up.
First
off, the idea of alternative universes existing is not something I or anyone
else who is event slightly, vaguely familiar with SF needed setting up or explaining. That’s
like, a default. We all just kind of assumed it.
Stop
parroting the fanboy line about how great it is that the MCU is “finally
exploring the multiverse” or something. Nobody blinked when alternate realities
were mentioned in “End Game” or the last Spider-Man movie. It’s not a new or original
concept. This incessant need to defend and praise or otherwise stan whatever niche hobby or celebrity you've decided to make a core part of your online identity just drives me nuts.
Second,
as mentioned above, it’s a self-cannibalizing concept, tempting Marvel to make
movies about its own movies in endless recursive iterations until it disappears
up its own arsehole. Which would be less of an issue if Disney wasn’t three-quarters
of the entertainment industry.
Finally,
this is a hella bland way to go about exploring it. “What if we made a tiny
change to look more feminist but otherwise did nothing?” Yeah. What if you fucked right off.
Q:
Can we show violence in a cartoon?
A:
No.
Guns
fire, then we cut away before the bullets hit. Peggy/Captain Britain throws a
hand grenade into a tank, doubtless turning the crew into hamburger helper, but
all we see is a bang.
That
said, I’ll give them a point back for the sheer over-the-top lunacy of some of
the action sequences, especially the one where Captain Peg leaps off the back
of Iron Man in midair, through the cockpit glass of a German bomber, beats up
the crew one by one, in order from nose to tail, jumps out the back, lands on top of a
Messerschmidt, kills the pilot (implied) and then leaps back onto Iron Man
again.
Q:
What if you never saw or don’t remember what happened in the first Captain
America movie?
A:
Then none of this will make any sense.
Q:
What if the first Captain America movie was basically the same but just a tiny
bit different?
A:
The ending would be basically the same, but just a tiny bit different.
It’s the Marvel equivalent of Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho” remake, pretty much a shot for shot copy of the original.
The sky is the limit here, we could actually do something even a little thought provoking about the superhero genre or past Marvel movies (like, maybe a British woman would use her abilities differently from an American man? Even just hint at how gender or culture affects our conception of heroism? No? Okay then).
Comfy, easy familiarity it is.
No comments:
Post a Comment